Come To The Cradle

Every night when I go to check on my baby sleeping before I call it a night, my heart never fails to swell when I watch her sleep. So angelic and so peaceful, her tiny body lays sprawled out in her crib in which she has lots of room to grow. When I watch her, I must resist the urge to scoop her in my arms and hold her tight. I want to give her kisses and protect her from all that may happen to her in her future.

Her innocence is captured in the look of her closed and dreaming eyes, and I just want to keep it there.

She had an accident the other day that makes this feeling an even stronger one in the whole of my heart. All too often it is hard to remember that all too quickly her little life could be snatched away from me. I wish I could say with all honesty that I will never take life for granted again. This I know can not always be true for it is too easy to think that there will be another tomorrow and that there will be more memories to make.

Six years ago I made the same pledge to not take life for granted, to not look forward to plans that we have made too much, to hold back on getting close to people. And I have failed to keep that pledge. I have made more friends and allowed myself to get close to a couple of them, even allowed myself to marry one of them. I have allowed myself to love my daughter, to hold her close, to protect her with every breath that is in my body. But, again, I see that in an instant even that is not enough to keep God from calling her home when her time here on earth is done.

On Monday I went in to work with my mom at a greenhouse she is helping her boss get off the ground. Mom is super swamped and asked if I wanted to help for a day. I was happy to. It worked out well since I could bring Camia with me and she could roam around playing with the dog and playing in the greenhouse. It all started out fine. She did really well and followed my mom everywhere. I should have thought further than my nose that this was an accident waiting to happen since there alot of things that a child can get herself into without even really meaning to. Mom and I were plucking basil leaves, preparing them to dry when I heard Camia making a funny noise, like she was aggravated. I peeked and found her hanging upside down in a bucket of water that was in the ground acting as a catch bucket for water coming out of the pipes. I panicked. She was trying so desperately to keep her head above the water and was not able to push herself up high enough to balance herself so that she was out of the water. I don't know how she ended up upside down in a bucket of water in the first place, whether she was playing with the water or she tripped over it, but either way, this is where she was. Even though she did not get harmed in any way (other than being more scared than anything, although I don't know who was scared more: Camia, my mom or me.), I still feel responsible and careless in that I should have been watching her instead of plucking herb leaves off a plant to prepare them for drying.

But as I write, even I know that is a silly notion. I cannot watch her every second even though I sometimes so desperately want to. I cannot hover over her and stop her from getting hurt, even though I so desperately want to. I cannot smother her even though I so desperately want to. Suffice to say, she did not get out of my sight for the rest of the day unless she was in the company of a capable adult.

As I watch Camia sleep tonight I have the great urge to scoop her into my arms and have her sleep snug close to me. I want to pet her and keep her safe.

There is a song on a CD that I love called "Come To The Cradle" by Michael Card. It was given to me by a special friend when I was pregnant with Camia and touches me deeply when I listen to it.

"Come to the cradle

Come and find peace

Alone in the cradle

Simplicity Sleeps

Behold, Perfect wisdom

So gentle and mild

In the innocent, upward

Trusting glance of a child."