23 weeks

Even though I am now almost officially 30 weeks, I thought I could share a picture from 7 weeks ago, roughly the last time I posted on my blog...play catch up again, you know? The grand thing is that now we are the proud owners of a laptop, so I can be sitting outside while Camia jumps from the pool to the sand box, even though today is definitely not the day to be doing it since it is not very warm out. But, she is happily playing, which makes me happy and if mom is happy then so is everyone else, right? :)

It's been difficult to blog for several reasons. She has been extremely needy again after about 6 months of playing so well on her own. If I sat down by the computer for a few to try get some blogging in, she would be there, wanting to sit on my lap, or sit with her and build puzzels or play with Thomas or read a story. I seems that everytime I get busy, thats when she thinks she needs me the most. So, I quit with blogging for a while to spend some time with her.

I have mixed emotions with this pregnancy. Major changes have been happening around the house, the Big Purge of 2012 is still happening, though not as swiftly as it was a month ago. The spare room which housed the computer, my hobbies and all the other random junk is now empty except for the change table and rocking chair. Camia's room is getting an overhaul, with a fresh coat of paint, a new quilt and a new system to house her books. I've been selling things, donating things and trashing things. Less is more is my new policy. I am excited to get her doll house my dad is making, and am thrilled to think how beautiful it will be, but a little scared Camia might be wreckless and ruin it, since he is paying attention to fine detail. I can't wait to paint and decorate it.

To replace the computer, since we have no room to put it anymore and it it was on the fritz, we got a laptop as my birthday present and our anniversary gift. (I love combining things in order to nix the petty things to get something bigger and something we need more but costs more too)

Those are a few good things about having this baby. A few negative things are emotional things, things like fear and excitement. I am scared because the thought of having another one scares me almost as much as the thought of having one did when I was pregnant with Camia...which led to a whole bunch of emotional rollercoaster issues and counselling. The biggest fear is the fear of having another person I love so much and the thought that I could lose said person. Another thing I am having a bit of a hard time processing is that my time with Camia is limited. 10 more weeks and I have to share my time, my love, my energy. It makes me want to cry. I've had 4 years with just Camia and wrapping my mind around the changes that are about to take place it a bit overwhelming sometimes. I've really enjoyed my time with her. Challenging as it may be sometimes (Isn't that how parenting goes sometimes?) it's been great. I am trying to be positive and trying to look on the bright side of things rather than the dull side, but sometimes the bad takes over. 10 more weeks and our lives change again forever. And it's not a small change. I keep reminding myself that women have done this for hundreds of years. That Camia is excited - for the most part - and that the words of one of my best friends - love will multiply, not divide - and most of all that God will not give me anything I cannot handle, and that I can do all things through Him, who gives me strength.

Anyways. My 23 week photo, the only one I have of me pregnant so far.