This morning he sat on the floor in the exact place I left him for about an hour, playing happily with one toy - a soother clip - and grinning cheekily every time I peeked around the corner to see how he was doing.
He gets so much lovin' these days. Hugs and thousands of kisses and plenty of squishes. This Mr. Man has captured my heart and causes it to be a puddle every time he grins, laughs or reaches for me.
I will openly say that this baby is so much easier to love the last few weeks - not that I never loved him, it's just easier.
I am so blessed to have these 2 adorable creatures in my life. Even if they are corny and it's hard to get them both looking good and smiling proper when I snap a photo. Either it's her...
Or it's him...
His milestones for this past month are that he cracked a tooth! On the day he was 7 months - 3 days ago - I felt his first pearly white. He tried more flavours on his palate and loved them. He now has tried cereal, peaches, sweet potatoes, carrots, and applesauce. He loves them all. I introduced a new flavour, green beans and mint, which he can't get enough of. He also has tried jello and chocolate, both of which he loves. He loves the flavour of chicken and turkey, giving him a chicken or turkey bone to suck on is the cat's meow. Another big milestone for him is that he has started sleeping through the night! We quickly weaned him off his night feeding, which encouraged him sleeping almost 12 hours straight at nights. Pure bliss. It also means I don't nurse him any more. I am ok with this. At first it was bittersweet, but I comforted myself in that it wasn't my fault. Suddenly I had no milk for him.
He is a momma suck, and I am ok with this. I love that he wants me, I love that he needs me, I love that sometimes I am the only one who is good enough. Not even his daddy works sometimes. I love that I love it because for the first 6 months I can't say that holding him was my favourite thing. I can't say that being with him was something I wanted because he was so difficult.
Looking back, I am not sure I would make it better. I learned so much and I made new friends. I realized I was/am not alone and that I am stronger than I thought I ever was. I learned a new level of unconditional love. I learned to laugh about it, to joke about it. Coffee break was my favourite part of the week because I got to spend it with women who understood my frustrations and were able to help me find the joy still in having a colic baby, as hard as it was. I was able to laugh with them over the things that came up during those six months. For example, once when I was grocery shopping Caleb was making himself known by screaming inconsolably. I continued with my shopping because there was nothing I could do and I had to get groceries. A do-gooder came to me and said 'your baby is crying'. I stared blankly. A fellow coffee break attendee suggested that I should have pretended to be deaf. Just because there is nothing like stating the obvious. There were other times in public (I only ever went out with him if I absolutely had to, so I think he made a scene maybe 3 times) where I felt so helpless and just broke down and sobbed. I was at the library once, and was trying to help Camia hurry and get her books so we could leave because Caleb's fit was escalating. Everybody stopped what they were doing and stared. I lost control and the tears came like a waterfall. It was hard. I also loved coffee break because it was an opportunity to pray together for each other's hardships, because we are never alone.
Never will I judge a mamma who has screaming kids while she is out trying to shop for her family or trying to make her other children feel important too.
I made connections, started new relationships. When asked how I did it, how I got through it, it hit me that once again, God was there the whole time, giving me the strength to get through the tough times and helping me to love the baby He entrusted to my care. He was there to pick me up when I felt the most discouraged. He was there to help me treasure every smile and every happy hour I got from Caleb. Because even though it felt like it, not every day was terrible, and not every hour was miserable.
People would say things like 'enjoy him while he is little, the baby stage does not last long.' While this is so true, this does not help matters. It only ads to stress and guilt. Think about it. While in the moment, hearing something that makes me feel worse as a momma is not going to help me get through the tough times. I liked reading this article. The writer says things like
'We know it’s true that they grow up too fast. But feeling like I have to enjoy every moment doesn’t feel like a gift, it feels like one more thing that is impossible to do, and right now, that list is way too long. Not every moment is enjoyable as a parent; it wasn’t for you, and it isn’t for me. You just have obviously forgotten.'
and
'You’re an actual parent with limits. You cannot do it all. We all need to admit that one of the casualties specific to our information saturated culture is that we have sky-scraper standards for parenting, where we feel like we’re failing horribly if we feed our children chicken nuggets and we let them watch TV in the morning.
One of the reasons we are so exhausted is that we are oversaturated with information about the kind of parents we should be.
So maybe it’s time to stop reading the blogs that tell you how to raise the next President who knows how to read when she’s three and who cooks, not only eats, her vegetables. Maybe it’s time to embrace being the kind of parent who says sorry when you yell. Who models what it’s like to take time for yourself. Who asks God to help you to be a better version of the person that you actually are, not for more strength to be an ideal parent.'
I also found this article encouraging. It was sent to me by a new friend shortly after our trip to the library and the grocery store.
'Quitting means stopping. And you don't stop.'
I read online a poster something that also encouraged me.
'Throwing in the towel just means more laundry'.
And crying is ok. Crying is ok.
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